Jan 16 2009
Unhealthy Abusive Relationships
Welcome to my blog!
I began researching the various forms of unhealthy relationships a few years ago, after coming out of an insane relationship. As I write this, my ex is still facing criminal charges, and so I will not mention that relationship here. After I left, my head was spinning as though I were in a dream. None of it made sense, and I struggled to understand what had happened, how I allowed myself to be there, and why it took so long to end the relationship.
I never did figure it out and instead followed the advice, “It doesn’t matter why it happened; it only matters that it did”. NEVER follow that kind of advice! It is so black and white, and incredibly outdated. It is along the same lines as: Black and white, right and wrong, good and evil, or yes and no. To allow yourself such a simple reason, after being in a chaotic relationship, can be just as damaging to your sense of self as the relationship itself was.
I write this, while being in a current relationship, a complicated one. I have spent more than two months now, feeling ashamed for being so gullible, and wondering what was wrong with me. I went back into the world of research, to see where I turned wrong; was there was a way to fix it or, to prevent it from happening ever again?
I went through book after book, both written and in the form of an ebook. I read website after website, seeking out ‘relationship experts’; I bounced through online forums, hoping to find a specific answer, something that would slap me in the face and scream, “See! THIS is it!!” It never happened.
What I found was an extremely complex area of understanding. It was hard enough to fully grasp all of the tactics that are used in this relationship. Because of things that have happened, I don’t know what’s what anymore, let alone to be able to say WHAT it is called! The list of titles is long and include: the emotional abuser, the liar, the manipulator, the cheater, the psychological abuser, the physical abuser, financial abuser, the psycho, the inability to commit, and the loser.
Give me a break! After researching all of these things, I still had no flipping clue what I was facing. I could take a little bit from here and there, and come out with a mess, and even less understanding to the situation. I had thought about going to therapy, but I am stuck in a rut, and it is an impossible task for me. If I can’t make sense it this, or myself, how can I possibly go to a therapist for answers? Half of what’s going on has me locked into a state of confusion; where I used to be so sure of myself, I am so lost most of the time.
I am writing this to take away all of the mini-labels. I am sharing my experience, and research, to help others cut through the crap and to be able to see an unhealthy relationship when in one. This book is for people who are in, have been in, or why someone they care about, is in an unhealthy relatiosnhip. It is aimed to help those to see clearly again, after being taken to a place of sheer confusion or being on the brink of questioning their own sanity. This is aimed to bring a sense of understanding to the common person, without the frills of ‘naming’ it. To help people who stand in a place where I am at the time of writing this.
I am going to open myself up and rip apart the pages of this experience, to make sense of what is going on. Hopefully, in doing so, I will also be able to create a new book for myself- A new beginning. In addition, I will be able to assist someone in getting to a better place in life.
